We thought about what to grow in the area where she is buried. We argued over carrots, papaya or some flowers. She loved both carrots and papaya, so it seemed apt. She even stopped to sniff flowers. Amma suggested papaya cause granddad had said no flowers. But we finally settled on mustard. Mustard attracts a lot of butterflies which would help with pollination in Amma’s garden. And Layla loved butterflies.
Weeks later, the baby plants have arrived and Layla must be watching with delight.
I still can’t say her name or write it or read it without crying which means buses, trains, autos have seen me burst into tears these past few months.
Learning that grief of this kind becomes a part of you.
Learning that I will always love her unconditionally and miss her excruciatingly. Cause that is, was and will be the nature of our relationship. One of intense feeling.