My email drafts were full of unsent emails to you. It was embarrassing how much I wanted to reach out but the haunting “chill” that you had left me with stopped me. The answers would never be mine. So I did what I knew best, I wrote to you.
One brave-pointless day, I transferred all those emails into a password protected document on my computer. The document became longer with each entry. The letters themselves less frequent and more at peace with the situation. Several times I returned to just read and introspect on the pain. Today, I wandered to that part of my computer; hoping to read them and find the closure I desperately seeked. 23 password attempts later… the document cannot be opened.
I suppose this is how closure looks. A quiet indifference to the why, how and why me. Silently, learning my lessons from that fall and moving on. Acceptance that it is what it is. Some answers lie in letting it go and moving forward.