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321 of 365

I stopped making resolutions. In fact I mostly stopped making lists. Not that I was above lists, it is just that I hated that I couldn’t draw a neat line across each item in the list for I never finished them all. So I gave up making lists to calm my obsessive line-cutting self. But my engagement with resolutions has been worse. I never could manage the dedication to stick by them. I would ditch each one of my resolutions eventually and just blame the laziness that I was filled with.

But this year, I battled it out with myself whether I should make a few resolutions. Quite frankly, my life could use some structure. After much thinking, I have abandoned the idea. I realised that I more than anything else I need to take my life one day at a time. This decision was made not so much by my laziness or inability to stick by anything but mostly by my cynicism. I suddenly found it hard to imagine that the new year meant I could suddenly turn over a new leaf and break out of bad habits. Stop beating myself up. Stop eating candy instead of meals. Stop guzzling the Thumbs Up. Stop feeling guilty when it isn’t my fault. Stop pressurising myself to attain perfection. It was only a new year. I had hardly become superhuman to let go of habits; some at the core of me.

So, no lists, no looking back at the year gone by, no pinning hopes on 2014. Just taking it as it comes.

Taking it as it comes.

As it comes.

Let’s see how that turns out.

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