Someone recently asked her to look in the mirror and narrate what she saw. She couldn’t do it. Not only because she couldn’t lie to that person, but she didn’t recognise what she saw. The person standing across from her wasn’t horrible. The person just needed to shake out of the funk and get rid of the dark cloud hovering above her head.
She had been lying to herself for a while. Pretending things that bothered her, didn’t. Assuming that putting herself above others was a bad thing. She was being harsh. She had forgotten how to look after herself. Importantly, she had forgotten to forgive herself. Nobody is perfect and that cannot be said enough. In an attempt to acquire the things she wanted, she made mistakes. Probably horrible feats of numerous errors piled randomly on top of the other. But these weren’t intentional to harm another. Does that make it okay?
She wholly believed that ‘Carpe Diem‘ was the way to live her life. She tried to swallow the principle. But in practice, she fared poorly. In fact she didn’t seize life by the moment. She actually didn’t seize life at all. It mostly passed her by as she looked on apathetically. Until retrospectively, it pinched her. Like in that moment.
She looked in the mirror. She didn’t focus on the tired eyes or the frizzled up, unkempt hair. She sought to piercingly look at these patterns she mapped out.
Could she snap out of this mode?
Meanwhile, she pulled out her phone and replied to someone’s text: ‘I am looking. But I am yet to see.’