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272 of 365

My refusal to do certain things, behave a certain way was always questioned. Both at home and outside.

Off late, the resistance has increased. I cannot explain what changed. For I don’t know and I find it impossible to deduce. Both at home and outside.

It possibly, couldn’t be the same thing. But my frustrations are building and I am showing them visibly. I was always very cautious with what I said. I couldn’t control my temper. Most statements came floating out of me without any control on my behalf. This has changed. Both at home and outside.

I am learning to articulate my angst, channel my temper and only fight battles worth fighting. Sometimes, though, my anger seethes and erupts. I scream for no one listens otherwise. The audience gets uncomfortable, the become more rigid and scream in response. Both at home and outside.

But the process is slow and the peaks of frustration come close together. Neither feels sacred anymore. And I am only now learning to politicise and problematicise both. The end result is a difficult situation and I am gasping for air.

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6 thoughts on “272 of 365

  1. “The music descends, as does the tall bending stalk of the heavy blossom, because it has to, to stay alive, to continue to the last drop of joy.
    The world knows the love that’s in its breast as in the flower, the suffering lonely world.”
    -Ginsberg

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