She was drawn to disasters like a child would be drawn to amusement park rides. The same way teenagers are drawn to banned items. You know, in a rebellious sort of way.
She also found herself moving steadily towards a madness that couldn’t be explained. Others called it madness. She would like to think of it as a vertigo. A rush that can only be explained by sucking others into that feeling. There is no other way to put words to it. Perhaps she was inept at forming proper phrases around that feeling. Its a mixture of fear, risks, paranoia, adventures, happiness and solitude. Can you imagine it? Probably not. Its a concoction that didn’t blend well. Even for her standards.
But it gave her a rush. Added to that the strange feeling resulted in a lot of thinking, much scribbling masquerading as writing and some clarity. The clarity itself was dangerous. It proved to be another step closer to the disaster that she was drawn to. Was each moment a calculating step in that direction, she wondered.