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110 of 365

As I stood with my two tiny feet firmly on the ground, the only piece of advice I had for myself was, “Welcome to your history. Again.” It has been hard to admit all the times my life has gone off course; I watched it swerve out of my control. I will remember that horrible summer in my childhood when I first acknowledged the downward spiral. Back then, I was given love and I chose darkness. I saw light but I chose pain. Now, in a desperate attempt to rein in the emotions, I run wild and free. I fall often and I fall hard. But it never ends there. Every time there is a fall, however low, however brutal, I find my way back. It is a pattern I haven’t found a way to break. But it is a madness I have grown to comprehend. In the light of the darkness, the world dissolves and I begin to make sense to me; the world, though, is edgy. In the stillness and calm, the world embraces me and I wander aimlessly. The peaks followed the valleys and even in the light there were moments of darkness. And vice versa. So today, I comfort myself with the words, it is all the same. It is all the same.

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