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91 of 365

I could sleep tonight and never wake up. It could all be over in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow, I could be hovering above people watching them weep. Or not. It could happen. I cannot predict that far into the future. I never had a crystal ball to peep nor did I believe in leaving my destiny in somebody else’s hands. If tonight is the big night, would I have done everything I wanted to do? Accomplished my life’s mission? Told the stories I wanted to? Cliche thoughts are supposed to pass through one’s head when one is preparing for an ultimate end. This would entail living a life where every moment is seized; grabbing opportunities to do what pleases me in that moment. I can count the number of times I have done this. Not even one full hand, ironically. Living in the moment entails letting go of inhibitions, restrictions and discomforts. I have spent many years building walls to hide precisely all of this. Why would I bring them down? To merely enjoy a few moments of mindless freedom?

I wonder if I could.

I could sleep tonight and wake up once again. This pointless cycle could continue. Tomorrow, I will wade through life clueless as I was yesterday. Or not. It could all change. I don’t want to predict that far into the future. All this life requires is for me to continue living one day at a time. Not anticipating my continuing existence nor my premature death.

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2 thoughts on “91 of 365

  1. Little ominous, this. I told you I was reading Rousseau .. so his theory is that the origin of man’s ills are his ability to reason. And i thought that was interesting. The more (s)he reasons the more (s)he looks for meaning in her/his environment. What if ‘meaning’ is an abstraction, an artwork to be created inside instead of being found outside?

    • That is interesting. I find sometimes that I look for too much meaning in what is happening around me. Sometimes that can be dangerous. 🙂

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