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76 of 365

She stood in the middle of the graveyard. It had been ten years since she had returned but that day she missed her sorely. It wasn’t like she needed to visit the graveyard to be remembered of her younger sister. But she just wanted to read the words on her tomb stone, Everything eventually ends. A memorable life was lived. Sarah 1978 – 2003

It hurt her just standing there and reading those words. The words were found in Sarah’s diary. No one had dared read it until that day. It is never easy to face the ultimate end, death that is, without becoming a little weak. She refused to believe that her sister’s death had helped her get stronger; she didn’t think it had helped her view her life differently either. In fact, she despised the idea that struggles were created to build character or to sharpen one’s determination or to improve their sustenance. So, when her mother told her, What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, Shira, she wanted to scream. No, ma, was all she managed though. She couldn’t frame an argument that her mother would believe or comprehend. She felt that those words had many times constrained her in destructive phases. She had reminded herself that a tougher her would emerge from that fight. She would be stronger, fitter and even more feisty.

When it didn’t turn out the way she desired, she was forced to succumb to her ‘weakness’. She found herself guilty for letting herself down and of course those who cared. But when she imagined her 25-year-old sister who said goodbye to the world accidentally and too soon, she felt overwhelmed and weak. She had survived the accident they were in but it didn’t make her strong. Neither twelve years ago nor today. Since that fateful day, she had not recovered even a little bit. She just avoided feeling that agonising pain. Not that day. So, she sat by the grave and spoke to her sister for a while. Knowing, only she would understand that some things don’t make you stronger. They persistently hurt.

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